My grief

My grief.

I wonder through the darkness with my eyes held shut. A mask covers my face, the path I walk I cannot see. My hart feels nothing.
There is no one to feel my grief, to share my lost. I am along with my tears. The hurt overcomes me at times, so much I cannot move. The lost of my love has taken the feeling of love from me. I don’t know if I could every offer it again.
Will I ever feel love again?
Will I ever be able to give love?
Is there happiness in my future?
Will I ever need others in my life?
I am to a point in my life that I have to make a design on how to guild it.
Life is so hard as is, but to get past a death of a person who has made such a difference in your life makes it harder.
She was a ray of sunshine whenever she entered a room.
She was a person that made people laugh.
She made everyone feel good about themselves.
She made me come alive.
She was a gift to all that knew her.
I feel it maybe time to continue on with whatever life I have left but I don’t know if I can. I think to myself I’m doing well but then I get hit with rage and sadness.
Is it time I move on?
Is it right to continue down that road without her?
I don’t know what lay’s ahead but I do know I can’t give what I did before. This hurt is to deep to ever go through it again.
I must welcome the dark and say good-by to the happiness I once knew.


Dedicated to Brenda G. Gomnick.


Herb A Krantz

To what every the future brings

To what every the future brings

I can share my love but I can’t give you me. My soul has been ripped from my body, there is more soul left to give. I will walk this earth for the rest of my life never being able to enjoy another’s love as I have with you my love.
I will never be able to commit to anyone but hopefully be able to share some joy and some laughter. Deep love will never be mine again. I am a damaged goods that can never be repaired.
No one could ever follow in my true love’s foot steeps. She has spoiled me. Her laughter

haunts my memory.
I am changing my life and lifestyle and trying to move on. My love you will always be a part of my life no matter witch direction it goes. I will love you with all my hart. You are a part of me that will live on till the day I die.
I have learned many things from you and hopefully I will be able to live as you did by influencing people and making them laugh at themselves and each other. Being a positive influence by making them happy.
In your memory I will become a better person and serve our family and friends with all the respect and gratitude they deserve.
I am headed into this journey without you but I can feel your hand in mine. Give me strength my dears love because it is time to let you go and move on to what every the future brings.

Dedicated to Brenda G Gomnick
Herb A Krantz

The Jewish New Year (Rosh Hashanah) 2008

The Jewish New Year (Rosh Hashanah) 2008

I have lost my identity and the meaning for living. As I look back at last year we were celebrating my rebirth from the dead. Not only was I not suppose to leave the hospital but I was not given much chance afterward. Brenda and all the family gave thanks to god for writing me in the book of life.
We never though that Brenda would not be included in the book of life with me. I’m here and she is gone. God played a bad joke on all that loved her and knew. He took the wrong person and know we are all left to suffer.
My life will never be the same. The fulfillment I felt in life with Brenda will never be again with anyone else. I am a shell of what I use to be. Brenda knew that this would happen. She told me two weeks before she died.
I don’t look forward to the years to come. My eyes can’t see pass today. I have no plan for the future just keep looking back at the passed. I have decided that I will never marry again; it would not be fair to hold that woman up to the height of Brenda’s love. Therefore I will walk the reminder of my life in memories of what I had and lost In Brenda’s death.



Brenda G Gomnick wife, mother, fantastic Grandmother and one hell of a woman, you are greatly missed already and your memory will live on forever.
Help me keep Brenda’s name aliveBelow are links that you can donate funds in Brenda's name. Thank you Herb A Krantz
Children's Hospital of Philadelphia
Chop Hospital Phila Pa.
http://www.chop.edu/consumer/index.jsp
St Jude
http://www.stjude.org/stjude/v/index.jspvgnextoid=f2bfab46cb118010VgnVCM1000000e2015acRCRD

Stem Cell Research
Michael J Fox
http://www.michaeljfox.org/
Christopher reeve http://www.christopherreeve.org/site/c.geIMLPOpGjF/b.899265/k.CC03/Home.htm

The Jewish New Year (Rosh Hashanah) 2008

The Jewish New Year (Rosh Hashanah) 2008

I have lost my identity and the meaning for living. As I look back at last year we were celebrating my rebirth from the dead. Not only was I not suppose to leave the hospital but I was not given much chance afterward. Brenda and all the family gave thanks to god for writing me in the book of life.
We never though that Brenda would not be included in the book of life with me. I’m here and she is gone. God played a bad joke on all that loved her and knew. He took the wrong person and know we are all left to suffer.
My life will never be the same. The fulfillment I felt in life with Brenda will never be again with anyone else. I am a shell of what I use to be. Brenda knew that this would happen. She told me two weeks before she died.
I don’t look forward to the years to come. My eyes can’t see pass today. I have no plan for the future just keep looking back at the passed. I have decided that I will never marry again; it would not be fair to hold that woman up to the height of Brenda’s love. Therefore I will walk the reminder of my life in memories of what I had and lost In Brenda’s death.



Brenda G Gomnick wife, mother, fantastic Grandmother and one hell of a woman, you are greatly missed already and your memory will live on forever.
Help me keep Brenda’s name aliveBelow are links that you can donate funds in Brenda's name.

Thank you Herb A Krantz

Children's Hospital of Philadelphia
Chop Hospital Phila Pa.
http://www.chop.edu/consumer/index.jsp
St Jude
http://www.stjude.org/stjude/v/index.jspvgnextoid=f2bfab46cb118010VgnVCM1000000e2015acRCRD

Stem Cell Research
Michael J Fox
http://www.michaeljfox.org/
Christopher reeve http://www.christopherreeve.org/site/c.geIMLPOpGjF/b.899265/k.CC03/Home.htm

The first Year Of Loss Of a loved one.doc

I have asked many people how you get through the first year of the loss of a loved one? The answer is the same from everyone I ask. You have to be strong and continue on with your life. I find that the most difficult thing I have ever faced and I can’t seem to get moving. My anxiety grows every week since Brenda died.
I know have to take medicine to sleep and I fight every day not to take medicine for my anxiety. I don’t want depend upon a pill to make me feel good or function every day. I have to fight it or it will control me. It’s bad enough that my depression holds me hostage. Will this ever end?
I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, all I see is the dark. Thank God for the good friends and family Brenda left me with. Two friends in particular that will not let me sit for long.
I am now trying to get out and fight for my life again. I know it will never be the same or even close. I will never love again like I did with Brenda. I don’t know if I will ever love at all. I don’t want to be hurt again. The pain is to great.
I need to find the courage to face what is ahead of me.

Brenda G Gomnick wife, mother, a woman of great worth to all and a fantastic Grandmother. You are greatly missed already and your memory will live on forever.

Rest in peace my bright eyes.

Help me keep Brenda’s name alive.

Below are links that you can donate funds in Brenda's name.

Thank you Herb A Krantz

Children's Hospital of Philadelphia
Chop Hospital Phila Pa.
http://www.chop.edu/consumer/index.jsp

St Jude
http://www.stjude.org/stjude/v/index.jspvgnextoid=f2bfab46cb118010VgnVCM1000000e2015acRCRD

Stem Cell Research

Michael J Fox http://www.michaeljfox.org/

Christopher reeve http://www.christopherreeve.org/site/c.geIMLPOpGjF/b.899265/k.CC03/Home.htm

Live Again

I triedall my life by doing the right thing for every one. My friends, family and quittances. Is would always be about them. They were important parts of my life. They matter deeply to me and still do. I always told Brenda if we treat our spouses like we treat friends they would be no devoice.
I lived my life this way and many times it would back fire however till now it never deterred my trust for others. I find myself trusting less and being along more.
Since Brenda died my world has been rocked in a way that I don’t know if I will every get over. For a while I had people in my life keeping me busy but now there lives are involved and I am alone again.
Year’s ago I was use to going places alone, I must get used to it again but taking that first steep is difficult. I was getting use to the female friend campaign on Friday and Saturday night dinners. It was great it was something to look forward to. A mistake that I will never let happen again
As I have been told, I must be a man a get through this and join the world of the living. How the hell do you get past it? How do you join the living after everything in your life has died?
I feel that I need a friend in my life that has gown through what I am going through. Some one who can truly feel my pain and teach me to live again

Brenda G Gomnick wife, mother, a woman of great worth to all and a fantastic Grandmother. You are greatly missed already and your memory will live on forever.

Rest in peace my bright eyes.
Help me keep Brenda’s name alive
Below are links that you can donate funds in Brenda's name.
Thank you Herb A Krantz

Children's Hospital of Philadelphia Chop Hospital Phila Pa. http://www.chop.edu/consumer/index.jsp
St Jude
http://www.stjude.org/stjude/v/index.jspvgnextoid=f2bfab46cb118010VgnVCM1000000e2015acRCRD

Stem Cell Research
Michael J Fox
http://www.michaeljfox.org/
Christopher reeve http://www.christopherreeve.org/site/c.geIMLPOpGjF/b.899265/k.CC03/Home.htm

Why Didn't I Die ?

It’s been 34 weeks - 8 months since Brenda died and the pain has gotten stronger. The little happiness I have from my daughter, grandchildren, friends and family temporarily masks the torment that I go through every night. It was my grandchild’s birthday. Being there celebrating without Brenda was unbearable.
The question- why didn’t I die still runs through my head. Everyday I pry it will be the last so the pain will go away. When I am alone I find myself crying with such intensity that my whole body and soul hurts. As hard as I try I cannot sleep at night. Some days are 24 hours some are 20. The time I spend awake is always spent in sadness thinking of the lost of Brenda.
Everyday is wasted sleeping because I can’t sleep at night. Everything I have tried to do has failed. My life is not worth living. I feel that I have let everyone down especially Brenda; she would of expected more of me. I lay down on the bed and close my eyes and just for a moment I think I will fall asleep my mind starts running.
Is there any hope for me? I can’t live this way. Sometimes I feel like I am jumping out of my skin. I had a dream that I was laying next to Brenda in the grave. We were both on our backs and I was holding her hand. I hope that that dream will come true quickly. It will make others sad but it would put me out of my misery. That may be selfish but I don’t know how much more I can take. I need a job or something to do to keep my mind busy and my body tired.
Everyone tells me that I have to get pass it. How the hell do you get pass the loss of your soul mate? I have moments of happiness but they don’t last for long. I have even tried to go out with some one to feel like a couple again. There was no love involved just company but that hasn’t helped either. I am back in my house thinking to much. I tried to see Momma MIA In the movies but had to leave. It was the last play we saw in New York. My dear friend always puts things into order whether I want to or not. Thank good she is in my life.
I find everything I do walls keep on popping up.

Brenda G Gomnick wife, mother, a woman of great worth to all and a fantastic Grandmother. You are greatly missed already and your memory will live on forever.

Rest in peace my bright eyes.
Help me keep Brenda’s name alive

Below are links that you can donate funds in Brenda's name.

Thank you Herb A Krantz

Children's Hospital of Philadelphia
Chop Hospital Phila Pa.
http://www.chop.edu/consumer/index.jsp
St Jude http://www.stjude.org/stjude/v/index.jspvgnextoid=f2bfab46cb118010VgnVCM1000000e2015acRCRD

Stem Cell Research
Michael J Fox
http://www.michaeljfox.org/
Christopher reeve http://www.christopherreeve.org/site/c.geIMLPOpGjF/b.899265/k.CC03/Home.htm